I am here to share my experience with you.

Soon I will turn 46. Some of you might say I am too old to have children, or you might think it’s my fault I am not able to get pregnant. I waited too long. You might wonder why I didn’t think about motherhood earlier…Honestly, it just didn’t happen. Besides, to explain myself would take too long, and wouldn’t make any difference. All that matters is that now I want to get pregnant, but it’s not easy.

For the past 8 years I’ve been in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man. In the beginning, I used contraception. Only 2 months after I stopped taking it, I got pregnant. The year was 2012, and I was 40 years old. But my joy didn’t last long as I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks of pregnancy. After going through this horrid experience, I realized just how badly I want to have children. Me and my partner decided we will work on it, and not just wait for it to happen. Although I was regular at tracking down my fertile days, our attempts to make a baby were not rewarded. Soon after my partner got a job in another country. For the next three years, we were living apart, with him visiting home twice a month. It seemed to me that with each year, I had less and less opportunity to get pregnant. Besides living apart from my partner, I was also getting older. I even started to think I reached menopause. In the moments of panic, I though I am not able to have children anymore. What if I am not fertile anymore?

All this worrying led me to start a fertility treatment in a private clinic. I was 44 and the year 2016 was nearing its end. For the next few months, every two days starting from the day 8 of my menstrual cycle, I was going through Folliculometry, a series of Ultrasounds designed to diagnose follices (eggs) formations in the ovaries, that is, determine the days of ovulation. At that time I was also taking Clomifene, a medication used to treat infertility.

Although I was told I am ovulating, I still couldn’t get pregnant.

This whole experience was very frustrating and even painful at times because of hormonal injections. I wish there was more reliable and accurate way of determining fertile days. Or at least, less stressful and time-consuming one. It seemed to me my whole life was on hold and other activities were secondary to this one. Finally, my gynecologist suggested I go through with series of fertility tests and maybe even try assisted reproduction. Right now I am trying to collect all the money I need to go through with it, because as you know assisted reproduction is not cheap.

I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I am not giving up on my dream to become a mother. Although this whole experience of trying to get pregnant left nothing but a bittersweet taste in my mouth, I am still optimistic for what waits ahead. For sure, I will not stop trying.



Categories: me.mum

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